18 July, 2010
Walls of Resistance
No, not physically resistant, but the attitude just fights acceptance. The spankee knows and agrees that a spanking is needed and the spanking is actually clearly wanted but there is just a combative mood that can keep the spanking from being effective if it isn’t addressed properly.
Let’s call it a wall and unless that wall is broken down or at the very least, has a few cracks created the full benefits of the spanking won’t be realized. Perhaps it’s impatience with the whole procedure, “Just get it over with…” or it’s just one of those days or one of those moods.
The spankee doesn’t like this aspect of their personality and really is hoping that the spanking can bring back the person that they want to be. The desire is there to be on the other side of the spanking cherishing the aftercare, but somehow that seems distant and unobtainable.
If the disciplinarian can recognize this wall, this attitude of mental resistance there is a chance that it can be eliminated with careful scolding.
The spanking may have been scheduled or it may have been talked over far too many times or already at too much length. There may very well have been scolding, hours or even days before the spanking has had a chance to become reality. The value of anticipation can be lost and that wall who’s downfall is sought may have already been cracked but now has already begun to mend. Consequently the value that scolding that would usually add to the process isn’t as strong or as attention getting as it might have been when the need for the spanking was first realized by both.
Ultimately there may be a point where the full acceptance of the spanking just isn’t going to happen. Continued spanking will only cause physical results and the connection that both parties want to become reality just won’t arrive. The correct answer may be to simply end the spanking if no progress is seen as being possible.
It might be necessary and possible for the spanker to turn the atmosphere of the spanking. “I’m just not getting through to you am I? I hope I’m wrong but we may just have to visit this subject again and if we do, it will be much worse.” Changing the spanking enviroment in that fashion isn't always possible. Our kinky desires may crave having ,or giving a sore ass but if the goal is effective DD, kinky aspects by themselves can be a distraction. Besides, if appealing to any kinky aspect was all that we wanted alone, we never would have chosen this unique path.
Give full attention to aftercare, talk it over and realize that sometimes the most important result that may come from the discipline is the reinforcement that the spanker won’t hesitate to do whatever is needed and the spankee won't be anything less than honest. I've been at that moment during aftercare when I've had to say "It wasn't enough, I need more".
In this respect what may have originally been intended as punishment may in fact be more of a maintenance spanking. There should of course always be communication. Talking it over later may reveal that there might have been some aspect of the scolding that may have encouraged anger instead of remorse. In any event it’s not something that should be viewed as regretful, but embraced more for it’s value as it can teach both partners how to work this process together.
Sometimes, the spankee must be the one to make this point to his or her spanker. If that communication isn't there the changes may never come. Of coure while laying there with your butt throbing and on fire can be a very difficult time to say "I need more".
The spanker must always be ready to learn lessons too. Sometimes the basic lesson is nothing more than being able to understand that there can be too much build up. Perhaps too much time between the points where it was realized that a spanking was called for and when it finally comes to fruition. Understanding that it’s always better if the peak of emotion can be matched with the act of submission.
With enough communication, remorse for having disappointed, can be much more meaningful and intense, not just breaking down the wall, but removing it’s foundation.