Always New Techniques and Implements

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Pain Isn't Always From The Paddle

Tina at Die starke Frau mentioned in a recent post that from her perspective, she didn't care for the concept of cuckolding. Well to each their own and I posted a comment how I didn't see it as really useful from a DD perspective. Basically, I believe once the spanking is over, the humiliation should be over and that may be mutually exclusive when there is a cuckold husband. She made a comment that she may blog about humiliation and I look forward to reading her perspctive on it.

Here's mine, it starts with the text I left on her blog.

The unique form of DD that we practice (Mutual DD) like all forms of DD, does have an element of humiliation. For example, the whole concept of willingly submitting to a spanking is a humbling act, ergo humiliation.


However, for me the most important part of DD is the aftercare. Where the spanking and any and all of the other things that may have been used that add humiliation, break down walls and barriers and offer the spanker the opportunity to bring things to the surface that must be dealt with. Or, even when the spanking just lets things be talked about, all accomplished not just with the aid of the painful spanking, but also with humiliation.

Once the spanking is over one of the most important jobs of the spanker from my perspective is to rebuild the spankee’s ego, their cared-for position in the relationship and also rejuvenate their persona that the rest of the world sees. The tenderness of aftercare, the forgiveness, the cleaning of the slate so to speak are all items that bring back and reconstruct the spankee.

Without a doubt, the most intense pain that can be administered isn’t from the paddle, nor the strap or the cane. The most intense pain that can be administered to the submissive husband in a DD relationship is certainly humiliation.

Actually, humiliation is possibly the most frequently used tool while a true punishment is administered.

The mere suggestion that he has been something less than the man that he could and should be, can be extremely powerful.

What are some other humiliations? Well, the implement and the position are the most obvious possibilities. However, each disciplinarian learns not just what provides sting to the buttocks but also those things that can sting the brain. After all, it's actually the brain that is spanked, the butt is merely a very effective conduit to the brain.

Some aspects of a spanking are more humiliating than others. Being put in the diaper position or even like I recently posted... being given an enema are just a few of the most obvious aspects of humiliation that can be incorporated in typical DD punishment activities.

Being ordered into the corner can make the tallest man feel small.

Ordered to wear humiliating clothing, which can vary of course from couple to couple. Perhaps for one couple it may be panties on the man. For others, it may be a complete outfit or even just diapers.

Actually, simply being ordered to “Drop ‘em” at her command and the accompanying embarrassment of her seeing Mr. Happy at full staff when he won’t be used for his joyous intended purpose.

Complying with her order and laying across her lap with one’s ass presented for her use can be very humbling at the very least, and for some be the height of humiliation.

Various positions that offer nothing in protection and everything in vulnerability for her use, all of these things help her break down the walls that men typically build to protect their weaker sides from being viewed by the rest of the world.

I’m of the opinion that the most effective female disciplinarians use these and other techniques to knock a man down a notch and perhaps put him in his place. Now the more femdom-ish ladies may use these or other techniques of humiliations to keep her man in a lower and completely dominated place.

However in many households once a man is reduced with these techniques, the woman instead of destroying his foundation actually just knocks down the crooked walls that stood contrary to her needs. The ones that did not suit her desires in her man. Then, with aftercare she sets new lines and then rebuilds him back the man she wants and knows he can be. Giving him forgiveness and setting him and the relationship back to base course.

Basically, as I see it, humiliation stops when the spanking stops. If it doesn't, perhaps the spanking shouldn't have ended so soon.

Where it Started (Part 3)

I mentioned in Part 2 that there really isn't a mommy thing in my brain that drove me to being a spanko. However, there is, or was still sort of a connection.

The last time I brought this up was on my other blog and for all practical proposes it sort of brought to a screeching halt much of what I was writing there.

Pretty much what it came down to was that the whole concept of my desires as a spanko sort of derailed the original intent or purpose of that blog.

Some of you know (because I told you), others of you may have guessed and perhaps some of you never had a clue but this is not my first or only blog.

My other blog was aimed at mainly M/f Spanking, in particular within the concept of loving Domestic Discipline.

It's not that I've abandoned that blog. But more the fact that as we pursue our unique form of  Mutual DD and the more aware I become as a spankee, I'm more willing to expound on my thoughts along the lines of being over the knee of My Fine Lady.

Well, I was having a difficult time writing for my other blog and staying on topics along that original theme of Domestic Discipline so here I am. In my other blog I often refer to My Fine Lady as Minx. Since much of this post came from that blog, again some of you may make that connection.

Early in the days when I began that blog about four years or so ago, I posted my history and how I initially became interested in adult spanking, after a short while I removed it. Basically, I didn’t want anyone thinking that just because I’m a kinky bastard I thought up some plan to legitimize my beliefs.

Backpedal a few decades and my journey into the world of kink and fetish could possibly be seeded in my experience growing up in the 50s and 60s.

Not unlike many of those times, as a child I would often find myself with my face being held to the cold black and yellow bathroom tile floor with my ass propped high in the air.

Naturally, while my ass was being filled with warm soapy water. Squirming and fighting just got me the extra discomfort and humiliation as my bare ass was spanked for squirming.

No, it was not and should not be considered abuse. That doesn’t mean that I condone young boys being given enemas and spanked on the bare ass by their MILF mothers today, times have changed.

However during the 50s and 60s it was very common for mothers to give their little boys (or girls) an enema for many reasons. Everything from tummy-ache to being moody qualified for, if not required a purgative enema.

“Oh, Myrtle… If that’s the way he’s acting you better give him an enema. Everyone does need one now and again so it certainly can’t hurt”.

One thing for sure in those days, whenever you claimed in the morning that you were too sick to go to school you could count on getting a good inner ass cleaning with lots of warm water and ivory soap.

The other possible outcome was a visit from the doctor and then you would likely get a nice sore bump in the buttocks from the doctors over sized penicillin injection. Doctors weren’t afraid of overusing antibiotics in those days you know.

Worse case which was more likely, you would get an oversize warm soapy enema and then the doctor would come to the house (they did that in those days) and give you a painful injection in your poor overworked butt.

It’s just the way things were done in those days.

Of course then I had to play and experiment on my own, and actually often did. Yes, I’ll admit it; Mr. Happy and his needs became a big part of the action. You see men have a prostate and often any form of anal stimulation gives a little boost to… well you know. I never remembered or thought about the spank that would land on my ass for fighting the enema, I only thought about the enema.

I suppose this explains to a degree, how the inner desire of being dominated and forced to take an enema by a woman was always in the back of my mind. Whenever I felt comfortable enough to mention it with a potential partner, the usual response was that the idea was at least distasteful if not outright "Oh, that's disgusting".

Besides, it's not something that's easy to bring up, it’s just not one of those things that you can use to start a conversation. In fact he topic usually ended conversation not being the sort of thing you should mention to people you meet in a convenience store, at a block party or at the typical church social. Hence my reluctance to be open about it and also why I initially pulled the information from my blog.

Fast forward a few decades from my childhood, I had spent 20 years married to a woman who at first claimed to want to experiment with things of kink to add some spice. That turned out to be nothing more than a lie. My hopes of ever being open and active with her with that part of my warped persona were dashed by comments like "I don't know how people could do that..." whenever I hinted at things.

Ok, so why did I crave having a woman give me enemas? Particularly I craved being told I was getting an enema if I wanted it or not. In fact, especially if I didn’t want one.

It just didn't make sense since I had been told by people that claim to know these things that I was an obvious Dominant. Well, it could be that I can ‘Switch’ and just might enjoy every aspect of such a potential flexible D/s experience.

After being separated, I made up my mind that I would never again settle for anyone who wasn’t willing to explore whatever mutual fantasies we had without being judgmental. The obvious conclusion was that my childhood memories had awakened my apparent need to be a submissive.

Several girlfriends later, one night I was talking on the phone with the latest potential victim of my need for sexual relief. The thing was, I was doing laundry. You see at that time I was Mr. Mom and doing laundry was just one of those chores that I had a tendency to put off.

The incentive that I gave myself to do laundry was simple; I would permit myself a martini per load of wash. After several loads of wash it was not uncommon for me to wake up and wonder what happened to my clothes. Not an uncommon side effect of martini consumption I understand, but I digress.

Well, feeling loose tongued and not really giving a shit if I scared her off…

I dropped the big one and told her that I had always had a kinky interest in being given enemas. I fully expected to hear a click on the other end of the phone line. Nope, she told me it was one of her favorite activities. What a surprise considering she was an RN. Whoever would have thought that an RN would be kinky.

Let the games begin!

The RN adventure was certainly interesting. Neither one of us were really sure if we were Dom, sub or Switch so we played every which way we could trying to find out with "Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns".

One of the many other activities that we explored was spanking. That’s when I found out that I really do enjoy having a woman laying over my lap getting a good sound spanking.

That was also when I found out that I don’t 'enjoy' getting a spanking quite as much as I enjoying giving one. Spankings actually hurt and if done properly can hurt quite a lot.

Well, maybe I can enjoy that too.

There’s that certain aspect about getting a spanking that always comes up just after going over a knee. When the first few smacks land then all of a sudden the brain feels the sting, instantly you wonder why you ever thought you enjoyed being spanked.

Yet time and time again, since that spanko wake-up call, I forget and think I love being spanked at least until it happens again.

It's all so confusing.

Of course the fact that my fine lady has gotten very good at spanking might have something to do with the fact. She says she learned from the best
.

In any event once I had this new adult spanking experience it became all I could think of and I wanted more.

Naturally I started searching the Internet for as much spanking information as I could find. When I found ‘Fondly and Firmly” I had an epiphany. Immediately I realized that the reason my marriage had failed was because I never gave X the thing that she needed most, a real good spanking.

Having discovered the world of Domestic Discipline I joined a few groups and forums and before long I was IMing with a woman who lived a few states away who had the same sort of desires. We spent hours on the phone and became pretty close and shared our thoughts on how Domestic Discipline could or should work.

Just as with the RN she shared a kinky enema thing so naturally conversation became even easier for us. With her help I decided to put my DD thoughts to the Internet and created my “How to Tell Your Thick Headed Hubby” blog post.

She was an accomplished blogger at the time and encouraged me. Since, she has had some very difficult times and her blog is long gone.

The primary direction for the essay was ‘for a guy, from a guy’ since it appeared from many of the DD and general spanking forum posts that I read, women found it difficult to vocalize to their boyfriends or husbands just what it was that they wanted.

My blog post began to get some attention and it wasn’t long before I received a few comments from women who said that they printed out my “Thick Headed Hubby” essay and it indeed made it easier to convince their husbands just what they really wanted and needed.

Going forward I don't think I'll let that other blog just fade away. I'll probably edit out the blogs of my my being spanked and keep things like that here in this blog. I think I just might go back and rewrite some of the posts there to reflect ways in which my views may have changed over the past few years.

Those of us who have had our spanking desires awakened during periods of being single, know that it just always seems the people you connect with aren't within a five mile radius. In fact, they are almost always hundreds if not thousands of miles away. That was of course the case with My Fine Lady and myself.

We spent hours IMing and talked often on the phone as these things often seem to progress. Since we were on opposite sides of the country we never had any idea that we would ever meet in real life. When you have a long distant relationship like this, you tend to be very open and talk about all sorts of things that you might hesitate to talk about in person on a first date.

My Belt

Circumstances brought My Fine Lady to the East coast and then all of a sudden she was no longer thousands of miles away, just a few hundred.

We met.

Now when we happen to meet someone and if the subject should ever happen to come up I don't know what we might actually say. Somehow mentioning that within a few minutes of meeting for the first time in person she was laying over my lap getting her bare ass firmly spanked with a hairbrush might tend to be a conversation stopper.

It was actually a while before I received my first serious and effective painful spanking from Minx. She didn't adapt right away to being able to spank effectively, but every time she has spanked me it has been shall we say... more and more effective.

Now, it's an established fact that when My Fine Lady has decided that I need a good punishment spanking it's indeed a very serious matter and she definitely will be sure that I have reminders that will last several days.

There is no turning back now.