27 February, 2011

Blogs and Link Maintenance

I just added a couple of Blogs to my blogrolls, they may have been sitting in the list of blogs that I follow for a while but I don't often check. There are two basic different ways to have blogs appear in a blog roll.

Bonnie at MBS does it both ways, alphabetical and by last post date. On her site the blogs with recent updates appear at the top right side of her blog. Then below that she lists all blogs that she "follows" in alphabetic order.

What I've done here is similar with both blog rolls appearing on the right side of the page. The inner list is for F/M Spanking blogs and the outer is for all blogs that I follow and both are in most recently updated blog at the top. So, if a F/M Blog updated two minutes ago, it will be listed at the top of both columns. It may not be the best way to list them, but it works for me.

What happens with this method is that blogs that haven't been updated for a while drop to the bottom of the list. So, if someone hasn't updated their blog for months or even years the blog will drop to the bottom of the page. Some bloggers drop these older blogs but I usually leave them, it's not like it hurts anything and sometimes they come back to life.

The one problem I have is that since I try to list F/M blogs in the inner column, I sometimes can't tell what is a F/M blog just by the title or recent post snippet when I'm maintaining the blog roll.

So, if you have a F/M oriented blog and I don't have you listed that way please leave a comment and I'll add your blog to the F/M list.


ADD: I initially made this post without any pictures... But I like pictures, especially if they suggest something or tell a story. I've just added this fine picture 'Red' at Consensual Spanking recently posted on his return from vacation. Somehow, it just screams Maintenance, after all, that is the subject of today's post at Her Paddle Central 

25 February, 2011

Who can be a Dominant?

Well, as I’ve often mentioned here on this blog... I’m more into a real life, perhaps fifty-ish kind of action guy... It’s what appeals to me.

No, we don’t have yellow and black tile in the bathroom. No, we don’t have a Felix the cat clock over the kitchen sink with swaging tail. (wish we did). However, it’s not that I can’t appreciate Goth type activities or that sort of thing… but it’s not the hot, high flame that lights my candle.


One of the spanko places I visit on a regular basis is the Spanking Classics discussion boards. There are a few things that I find welcoming about the site. For one, it’s not dark. Yeah, I don’t like dark. The whole black leather, black lipstick, black implements sort of thing just doesn’t appeal to me.

Being a wannabe real life 50-ish guy carries the basic fact that is that real life happens in broad daylight. Often, without warning, staging or advance notice. Well yeah, warning or advance notice can be exciting. Especially if intermixed on occaision to keep the spankee off-balance. You know, mind games can build intensity.But I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that real life in the kitchen or bedroom trumps the Vampire dungeon.

In fact speaking about ‘dark’… although not a ‘Trek-ie’… I believe that the one reason “Deep Space Nine”, “Enterprise” & “Voyager” failed is because they all tried to use what could be described as “Dark Sets”, almost Goth or BDSM-ish. Great for BDSM (which some of them suggested in some eppisodes) but not great for SciFi and not an element in the original series or “The Next Generation”.


But I digress…

I’ll expound on a response to a post on the Spanking Classics Discussion board.

The Question:
I have been into spanking for as long as I can remember and for years I have longed for a DD relationship. Recently I met a nice 19 year old (I am 29) spanko from my city and we got really close and I ended up spanking her a few times. Despite being really close she felt something wasn't clicking. Later we discovered that she felt that I wasn't as dominant as I appeared online and that my lecturing isn't as effective as when I write to her.


I am not a wimp by any means. I am quite masculine but I am not an alpha male and never will be. I am very protective and caring and she loves it when I hold her and make her feel safe after a spanking. However I really want to try and develop a more dominant side and become better at lecturing. My voice is quite calm and relaxing, which is good if you aren't scolding someone!.

Do you think it is possible to have a DD relationship with a submissive even if I am not typically dominant.


My edited response:



Perhaps the one reason role play doesn't appeal to me at all. I have many aspects of my personality that can come off as being dominant. So if I let my dominant nature remain on the surface, it’s difficult for someone to dominate me. However, when I feel a connection that involves someone who I know loves me, I crave being able to submit.

I don't think Dominance has to come off as an 'A' type, or requires harsh demanding tones. I think the most valuable aspect of scolding/lecturing is… sincerity. Therefor, my opinion can be summed up by saying anyone is is in love can be dominant and sincere if the subject of their potential wrath is someone they love.

Scolding becomes effective when you actually manage to connect with an aspect of behavior that the sub/bottom hasn't considered. For example drinking and driving can easily be scolded for when part of your scolding is to tell the recipient that they are now ordered to take lots of photos/be photographed often so there will something for their children to remember them with.

The same sort of comment can be used with failing to take care of one's health, take prescribed meds, exercise etc. But most important to generate the dynamic that you are striving for, it's important to actually project your disappointment, your care and your refusal to let the subject get away with it without your intervention.
So my advice for the dominant:

When you are sincere, don't drone on in a monotone with dialogue that bores and You actually want to speak dialog that lets the subject understand that you do care...

You can get more tears flowing in the corner than the following spanking can ever make.

Also a subject that will not only be a happy spanko with a sore bottom but also one who just may quickly learn to not only crave a sore bottom but actually even the forgiveness that you provide only after a spanking.

Ultimately if you do DD, the disappointment becomes the main source of pain from a spanking. The ass isn’t actually spanked, the brain is what is spanked… The ass is merely a very good and available conduit to the brain. When my mostly submissive lady has good cause to be pissed she has no problem at all knowing what to do about it and there is no doubt at all I’ll soon have a VERY sore ass.

She hasn’t managed to break down my wall and get tears flowing, but long before implement meets skin I crave her forgiveness. Scolding isn’t a major component of spanking for either of us no matter who’s doing the spanking, but there is never any doubt that it can, (when used properly) be very effective and right on target.
 
So, circumstance and not dominant nature create the true dominant in my humble opinion for things that are real life, and not role play.
 
BTW, if you visit Spanking Classics and join there, my ID on that board is 'Bendover'.

23 February, 2011

More About Movie-Time

In one of the Spanking groups on fetlife that question that pops up every once in a while appeared again last night…


”What makes a really good spanking video”

One of the respondents was servingb, a regular blogger and commenter here. He responded that they had made a video and posted it to SpankingTube. Although I scan his blog on a regular basis, I must have missed his mention of it. He noted that on Spankingtube he was surprised that he had received negative comments. I suppose it’s not really surprising since people too often tend to be rude on the internet. It’s an unfortunate fact that people behave badly on the internet. The net is anonymous (mostly) and people routinely misbehave on the net. Well, lets at least hope whoever was rude to servingb got a good spanking for it. Or worse, no spanking for their bad behaviour!

The following is my response to that thread:

> What surprised me were the negative comments from folks on spanking tube. - @Servingb

It's a fact that the internet lets people be assholes. People constantly act in fashions that they would be too ashamed to act in person.

When it comes to spanking videos, I think a lot of it has to do with someone being able to picture themselves in the video. Also, I believe a level of nostalgia comes in to play

I notice a lot of the crowd that enjoys F/m Spanking has an intrest in some older 'classic' F/m spanking videos that just don't do it for me. I think in that particular case people enjoyed them years ago since that may have been all that was around except older 8mm stuff. Not having had my intrest developed at that time, perhaps I just don't have a basis for those 'classic' videos to appeal to me.

We've thought about doing some videos, but we lack the equipment. Also, one of the things that is an issue is we lack what could best be described as an area that could be devoted to spanking. Let's call it studio space and/or furniture that could staged for a spanking.


When I do watch videos although I' a Switch I usually only enjoy watching F/m Spanking. For me what appeals to me is real spankings... Not faked, no starlets, not contrived reasons for spankings and spankings that look like "Yeah, that's going to hurt in the morning...".


Also, it would appear that being a spanko does not make someone an actor... So, too much dialogue is almost certainly a turnoff for me. Perhaps my masochist side comes out too, I enjoy videos of spankings that would scare the shit out of me to think that they could happen to me.
The more severe or the scarier the implement assortment the better.

For me also what I can find appealing are traditional things that enhance a spanking. Whereas items like a prison strap, barber strop, frat paddle, large Spencer paddles and heavy loopys may offer fear factors, a hairbrush offers nostalgia. Not to mention my affinity for a woman spanker in a cocktail dress and modest heels. To me, those things offer a certainty that the spanking is going to happen, nothing will stop it and by the time it’s over there is going to be one VERY sore ass.

Naturally, I imagine it’s going to be mine.

19 February, 2011

110,000 Visits - WoW

I began this blog this past June and now it looks like in the next day the number of visitors will top 110,000. That's going by the free sitemeter that's been on the blog since day one.

I never did notice when it toggled over 100k, frankly I'm surprised that so many people do visit the blog and actually it's clear that many must come back again and again.

Clearly, the thought of a man being spanked by his loving wife is a popular one. I know why, and apparently many of you do too.


Today we feature some of my favorite.
I thank all of you who visit this blog, I especially appreciate those of you take the time to leave comments. For we bloggers, sometimes it's the comments that keep us interested in continuing to write about our thoughts and experiences.











Motivation

Well there hasn’t been much spanking at all around the “Her Paddle Household” for quite some time now and I think My Fine Lady is getting the idea that she just might intend to change that. I did help that along.

For quite some time now we’ve both have been under an incredible amount of stress. Not uncommon these days for most couples, ours is centered around our financial dilemma. I’ve been unemployed for far too long and we fight a constant battle with the stack of un-payable bills. At least we haven’t been fighting.

Last night I was rubbing her back and I mumbled in her ear that I needed a good spanking. She asked why… I thought for a second and answered: For all the usual reasons…” She said nothing.

Basically, spanking hasn’t been part of our life for a while now. The biggest problems mentioned above have resulted in a few different conditions that I blame myself for, which naturally build upon themselves. For one, I’ve been lethargic. Additionally, in spite of my having something of a dominant strong personality (except while over her lovely lap) I’ve probably been as close to what I can possibly be on the verge of clinical depression. So in any event my whisper to her may have set things into motion.

When she finally decides that I’m going to get a spanking, she chooses the time for the actual event carefully. It would be unusual for it to happen when I’m expecting it, so it could be days away and I imagine I’m going to be on edge for at least a few days but I’ll be getting more and more hints the closer it gets. Usually there will be a day or three of random slaps to my ass when

I least expect them. Also there will

------------------
Well I didn’t have to wait very long, no she didn’t interrupt my typing. I took a break and was out on the porch having a smoke when she opened the door and I saw the ominous curling finger. I walked in and saw she was holding the sawed off bathbrush and the hated oak hairbrush paddle as I followed her to the bedroom.

We’ve all seen those pictures of those women who lead the way up a staircase or down a hall carrying implements. Right about at this point is when my pride and joy would usually be standing at full attention making it difficult to drop my pants, but not this time… he was hiding. I guess he suspected like I did that this could be bad.

She sat on the edge of the bed and pointed my over her knee. I tried to get as comfortable as possible since I knew I would likely be there for quite some time.

Right from the start she scolded or actually kept asking me questions about why I was getting spanked. She rubbed from the get go for quite a while and the questions weren’t easy… They dug deep and she began to spank with her bare hand. She spanked every square inch of my up-turned ass from the tops of my thighs to above my crack. I couldn’t believe how long her hand spanking lasted and the scolding questions were getting to me.

Apparently she’s been getting very pissed about my basking in self-pity. My self-pity has been centered around my inability to provide for her in a fashion that she deserves. The basic fact is, I’ve been getting pissed about it too. I have very little sympathy for people who bask in self-pity and it actually sickens me to realize it in myself.

My Fine Lady has had a difficult life. From her youth to adulthood she has repetitively been forced to endure some very nasty hardships and subsequently make some very difficult decisions. One decision that was very easy for her was that I was long overdue for a spanking, she rectified that issue.

The hand spanking lasted for at least ten minutes. I’ve never been spanked by bare hand OTK for that long before and I began to zone out from the probing questions, comments and rhythmic spanking.

When she stopped she rubbed for a long time as she continued about all of the things that have been bothering her.

I’m pretty sure it was the sawed off bathbrush that was next used on my ass. She wasn’t spanking very hard with it, but it was enough that my hips were dancing on her knee and she finally had enough of it. “It’s been a long time since you’ve been spanked so I’m being very easy on you. But if you don’t stop bouncing around I’m going to start spanking hard.”

Don’t you hate that? When you have to try and ignore the wicked sting and just lay there?

It was difficult, but I was finally just laying there, again as she continued to scold. Which diverted my brain from the unending sting. She finished up with the wicked oak hairbrush paddle. That little bastard stings like hell. It doesn’t have the thud of the bathbrush but the sting is more intense and concentrated.

All things considered it was probably one of the lightest spankings that I’v ever had but the consistent rhythym and the length of spanking probably had me closer to breaking down and letting tears flow than I think I’ve been in I don’t know how long.

After, she asked how my spanking was. I had no choice, I had to tell her that she’ll have to do it again.

14 February, 2011

Always New Techniques and Implements

I was reading a post from a gentleman in the FLR group on FetLife and the issue he was dealing with was that it was hard for him to imagine spankings from his wife as either being punishment or motivation since he craved and enjoyed them so much.

Certainly, we all enjoy and crave those spankings from our loving wives that remind us of their love. Feeling my hard cock against her smooth thigh while she lights my ass on fire is certainly provides a wealth of sensations I could always use and enjoy more of, and of course a Valentines day sentiment befitting the day.


Following is my response as I believe there are always things that can make a spanking less desirable. I think every couple needs a certain kind of spanking available in their repertoire that won't be craved, desired or enjoyed.


For me, I think there might be a lot of motivation available in implements and/or techniques.


You just might need to experience a punishment spanking that you'll never want to experience again. The result might be you'll be able to still receive regular more frequent desirable maintenance spankings that you can still crave and enjoy... Yet still, always have the potential distaste/fear of the severe punishment spanking remaining a tool readily available for your wife's use in her repertoire.

If you have a small assortment of implements and can't make the investment, then repetition could be a method available to her. Perhaps what would be a normal intense spanking but instead of it being over... you now are sent to the corner for a specific time letting you reflect on the event and giving her time to re-energize and then 2nd inning, corner time and third inning etc..

.

It's also possible for techniques to be used to make existing spankings much more painful and not just with more powerful implements. For example, if your corner time is spent with cold wet compresses or sponges in your tighty-whiteies (or panties or pantyhose) held tightly to your sit spot and thigh creases softening and wetting and wrinkling your skin, they can be followed up with a good dose of a stout Lexan paddle. Lexan paddles on wet softened skin will produce a most painful spanking that's certainly not very enjoyable or yummy.


Similar results can be achieved with some nice, heavy wooden spoons soaked in a pitcher of ice water. As one spoon dries while she heats your bottom she can simply reach down and swap for a fresh wet, cold spoon. Your ass will certainly suffer.


Perhaps you can develop a fear of certain implements or even implements used in certain positions that you'll not be able to look forward to. For example, a long hard session with a nice cane has a completely different sensation when in the diaper position. Also, a good heavy wood paddle or hairbrush can inflict a completely different level of intense pain if you're touching your toes than the same implement used OTK. They can also do some serious damage, so naturally care should be taken.


For a good assortment of some seriously effective, yet inexpensive wood paddles I would suggest Woodrage Paddles. http://www.woodrage.com/ Their 3/4" oak 16" paddle with 3/4" inch holes should certainly be feared when used on the sharp edge side. (holes are smooth chamfered on one side and sharp on the other... The Bastards).

They also have a 3/4" Oak Hairbrush paddle that I can attest deserves a mountain of respect.









There are also many fine options in other implements and you may want to also check out Cane-iac. http://www.cane-iac.com/

There are many fine makers of implements but these are two that I can personally vouch for that offer products of quite decent quality,  at very reasonable prices.



Of course there are other scenarios too, one that appeals to my nature is being in the corner watching a nice big bar of ivory soap soaking in a bowl of warm water. When it's time for your spanking a washcloth and the softened soap can be used to clean out your naughty mouth, and still provide something tasty for you to bite down on while being paddled.


Naturally, after your ass gets good and tender if your wife should so choose, the bowl-full of soapy water can very easily be sucked out with an enema bulb and installed into your well lubed ass. Then, a dozen or so good hard paddle smacks will insure the solution is effectively and deeply installed, giving you more to think about while the remaining bulb-fulls are lovingly prepared, inserted and paddled into place.

If humiliation  is part of your normal activities, you can optionally be dressed just in time to be stood in the bathtub where you can soil yourself and ordered to clean up your own mess.

The possibilities are truly endless.

Hope this helps...

Enjoy!