In two previous posts I mentioned a woman (Hisboss) who posted a question on the Fetlife F/M Spanking group. Up until the time that her husband made her aware of his secret desire, she was in her own words "very vanilla".
Ultimately, she agreed to spank her husband over a dozen years ago, and has been doing so since apparenlty with wonderful results. It's clear that she gets it, he does too, perhaps more often than he likes. I might add as in her own words below: "...he got more than he bargained for".
I think you'll enjoy her story as she related it to me. I've parsed the paragraphs so they'll be easier to read on the blog page format and I've melted in some of her other comments from Fetlife:
I've been a spanker for 13 years now - started back in 1997 when the hubby approached me and asked me for a disciplinary lifestyle where I handed out the discipline and he received it!
He got a lot more than he bargained for...took me a couple of months to get the technique down but I learned fast and found out quickly the benefits of being able to call the shots!
We had already been married 16 years at the time he put the DWC website on the computer. Like I said, I was vanilla to the point of being naïve about all this, and I confess my first reaction was to laugh. I really thought he was joking.
I had NO idea he even had thoughts like this. He never hinted, acted in any way like he wanted to be spanked or controlled, even while playing around sexually. As you can imagine I felt terrible for laughing and brushing it off and decided, “Hey, I love this man. I would at the very least look into it.” So I explored the web….
HOLY cow, the things I saw and read! Nothing that resembled the man I was married to at all.
Funny though, I realized quickly the bottom line in it all – it’s simply a spanking, a red bottom with a little control over his life. I read that, “spanking helped relieve stress”, “would add sexual excitement and enhance a relationship, and be a way to become closer to the one you love.” So what’s wrong with that?
I sat him down and he confessed EVERYTHING…all his thoughts, fears, fantasies sexually and otherwise…
I listened and for a few weeks after that I kept asking him questions while still surfing the web for answers. I found out more about this guy than I ever knew the first 16 years of marriage (and we had a GREAT marriage up to that point as it was). I learned about the “inner” him, the scared little boy who wanted someone to hold his hand once in a while, and to swat his bum when he got out of line.
Then one day I said, “OK, let’s do it…I will give you a spanking.”
We went in the bedroom, pulled his pants and underpants down, and he went over my lap. Now that was a trip for the first time for him and me… remember we were married 16 years and I was taking MY husband over MY lap to spank him! He was so embarrassed and I was scared to death. It was far from memorable and I am sure he was disappointed but I did it!
Afterward we said nothing about it. I guess he figured that was it, nice try thanks for the memory.
I on the other hand decided to write an e-mail to the lady who started the DWC website where it all started … she wrote back and said we needed to talk on the phone. We ended up having several phone conversations and we are friends to this day. She advised me on several nuances of the lifestyle and some tips and tricks…so I decided to “try” it again.
Two weeks after the “first spanking” I came home from work, told him to go to the computer room pants and undies down, and bend over the desk. I had a paddle that he had made “just for me” when he saw I was at least a little interested.
I told him to take a deep breath and I swatted his bum as hard as I could for as long as I thought he could take it.
Been a lot of hurdles since then but overall it has brought us closer than any couple we know – in fact most say we make them sick we are so clingy…lol.
I also discovered after really becoming adept at spanking and control that I could get things I wanted out of the relationship – not just sexually or fulfilling his fantasy life but real changes in the way things were run in the family.
He was overweight, took blood pressure meds, so I started him on an exercise routine with consequences….he lost a ton of weight, brought the blood pressure down, and the doctor took him off the meds.
Now he goes for check-ups to the doc regularly because I make the appointments and tell him when he has one scheduled. He rarely went to the doctor before this arrangement. So, even though it is a sexual turn on, the side benefits of a sore behind are immeasurable!
The power and control are also a HUGE turn on for me. I must have had this in me before because I took to the control thing like a duck to water!
Well for us it has been a very rare occasion where he's gotten to tears...maybe 2 or 3 times in all these years. And what got him there was what you said, curiously - he had done something really wrong, and the combination of the scolding, the spanking, and the fact that he had really let me down was what put him over the edge.
This is an example of where your mindset is almost more important than the pain being applied!
I hope you get to experience that sometime, because the aftereffect (once those endorphins kick in) is really intense, and a great power rush for me as the one who caused it to happen.
I checked out your blog “Her Paddle” this morning, and enjoyed it immensely. I am so flattered you took my question on Fetlife and chose to post it on your blog. Since you asked the question about, “would you do it differently today?” I thought you might like to know the “rest of our story”.
Every Monday morning before work I give him “12 of the best” with a cane just to start the week off right for both of us. I look forward to that and I think he would be disappointed now if I stopped. It has become a lifestyle, not something we think about or talk about, it’s just our way of life.
There are rules and there are consequences, there are paddles hanging indiscreetly on a couple walls, hairbrushes on the counters in the bathrooms. As far as I’m concerned there is nothing to hide and what’s our business is none of anyone else’s, and so far no one that visits has ever asked about any of that.
I tried to find other couples like ourselves but I think this is a very personal/individual lifestyle. Every guy/gal has something they specifically are into and some couples would be uncomfortable with some aspects of our life. On the other hand they might be way over the top from how we live as well.
But with the web we have Fetlife, Spankolife and other sites, and have chatted with many people over the years…it’s wonderful just to have a feeling of camaraderie. This isn’t something you tell your sister or your next-door neighbor after all! In the end, it's just a sore bottom.
Ran a little long, never told that whole story before…not sure I should have told it now but it felt right!
To be honest with you it was your blog that promted me to write it down. I have been meaning to for years now. I showed it to the hubby before I hit send to you and he got all misty...I think he forgot how it all started.
Thanks for making me a part of your blog! And to answer the question on your blog, “would you do it any differently today” my answer would be a resounding, no!
Well Hisboss, you are a wonderful woman to follow through for the man that you love, I believe your husband is a VERY lucky man.