Memories and Marks

The Brunch topic at MBS today is a discussion about marks and bruises. I posted my response there and I'll elaborate here a bit.

My comment:

As a spanker, I'm not fond if seeing bruises and marks but I do know that My Fine Lady loves the sensation that can still be felt later. So, it's not my goal to make marks and bruises but more being able to make the sensation last.


As a spankee, I do enjoy being bruised and marked, especially when I can still feel the reminders of the spanking days later. It reminds me of the love My Fine Lady has for me;

It's not her thing, she would much rather just receive spankings, but she spanks me because she knows it's what I want and need. For someone who says she doesn't like giving spankings she certainly has gotten to be VERY good at it though.

Yes, she is VERY good at it. Of course whenever I comment on her abillity she quickly turns it around and says she learned from the best. If that's actually true, I certainly taught her too much.

It's really a funny thing about marks and bruises. It's not that I want pain, well sometimes I think I do, but as I've mentioned before that goes away quickly when My Fine Lady is using an implement.

It's just that when I have a sore ass I never have any trouble remembering that someone loves me, so much so that she's willing to spank my ass raw when it's the right thing to do.

Paddles and Popcorn

The astute reader will notice a new twist on today’s blog post. Yesterday the title of my blog post was Popcorn and Paddles, today just the opposite. Perhaps you're asking yourself why it's been turned around and frankly I don't know.

I toyed with the idea of making today's title Popcorn and Paddles v2.0 but quickly decided it didn't provide enough variety to the reader. I'm really not sure which is better; the one thing I do know is it really doesn't matter...

But I digress...

However, back to the real point of today's post, another review of a spanking movie found at the bottom of the page.

Yesterday I mentioned that the subject of my next review would be the video of the wimpy weenie guy.

Now you might be wondering why I call the guy wimpy and weenie. For all we know he may anything but wimpy and a weenie.


He may very well be a captain of industry or for that matter a high ranking military officer who spends his at work time locked in a mountainside bunker with his finger poised over "the button".
He also could be an airline Captain who routinely defies death while hurtling through space in a pressurized aluminum tube with hundred of sheeple in the back, relaxing after having been freshly irradiated or groped by the TSA.

He could be anyone, except in this video our hero is a quivering ball of jelly as his spouse is extracting some truth from him. There's something special about that, in any event she has made him appear to be wimpy and weenie.

Now here comes the plot, I’ve already mentioned several times I’m not particularly fond of distractions like plots, but this is different.

When there’s a plot naturally there’s acting and it’s a sure thing spankos can’t act worth a damn.

So what’s different here you may be asking yourself…

(Pausing while you ask yourself)





Well what’s different here is that IMHO, it’s real.

We enter the story midstream and it’s obvious that this particular lady is an accomplished spanker. You’ll note that as his butt swings to the right to avoid the hellish stings that are landing on his left cheek, she adeptly moves to and concentrates on the right cheek thereby effectively making his movements actually into the stingy paddle.

This woman has talent.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid My Fine Lady may have either watched this clip, or perhaps even directed it as this too is the sort of thing she’s been known to employ.

Right from the start we can see that this particular woman knows how to control her sore lucky man. The vocal tones are firm and one would not have to understand the English language to know she’s pissed and she’s NOT going to ease up or back off.

I would guess that he may have been looking at interwebs porn or something similar, which apparently she has forbidden. He really doesn’t stand a chance, why would he lie? She’s wearing her badges of rank that unto themselves put the poor lucky fellow in his place.

All you spanko guys out there I’m sure you have already identified the very visible badges of rank that reinforce her authority (Skirt and paddle).

His ass was apparently already well spanked before the part of the video that we see. He’s whimpering and cowering and at points sounds like a naughty little boy who was found with his hand in the cookie jar and is somehow is hoping it will be forgotten.

She’ll have none of it and we can see that when finally does get our subject to confess she lets loose with a fury upon his right cheek so his instinct to move away is foiled.

Like I said, she’s talented.

It’s also damn sure that there going to be a lot more hell to pay since he got out of position and protected his ass with the floor. I’m damn sure there was hell to pay for that too.

Imagine that… a plot.

However, it's very open ended and I believe it leaves a lot of room for imagination. Of the four videos found at the bottom of the page I may actually like this one the best.

On the Likely Real Meter that runs from 1 to 5 I would give this video about a 4.8. How would you rank it?

Insulting the Neighbors

No, don't get your hopes up.

I haven't been out stopping cars in the street telling the neighbors that they have ugly children (I've thought about it though).


I haven't been telling them that they have pathetic unkempt lawns (ours is worse).

I haven't been telling neighbors that the reason we have loud parties and they don't is because we have friends and they don't (We don't have parties, except the ones in the bedroom).

Actually, I'm not a neighbor kind of guy at all, my favorite neighbors are trees.

But I digress...

No, what I'm talking about... are all the 'B' movies that are on the interwebs for the enjoyment of we spankos... Poor acting... inept dialogue, bad camera angles, sometimes silly costumes and woefully inadequte lighting...

You know, on Spanking Tube.

You could say I’m throwing my critique in the direction of our spanking neighbors.


Yes of course one never knows, some of these people who post these videos might actually be neighbors; Perhaps a few doors down or who knows, people I’ve met in the convenience store and just failed to start a spanking conversation with.

Now don't get me wrong, I admire the kahonies of anyone who willingly climbs over a lap for a butt blistering on what amounts to INTERNATIONAL TV.

Especially those who don't get concerned about having their faces seen in the videos.

Obviously, there are the pros who do so in an effort to self-promote their talent and frankly there are some true talents out there in the spanking world. I'm more specificly talking about those actual DD-ish 'normal' couples who manage to apply implement to posterior skin.

For quite some time now I've had four videos visible at the bottom of this blog. For all I know, since I usually have the settings on this blog set to display between 10 and 18 blog posts many of you may get bored and leave long before you ever get to the bottom of the page; You may never have seen them.

Personally I consider these videos a few of the better F/M-ish videos of the homemade genre. For the ease of the reader I’m dupe posting the videos that I intend to comment on today.

I suppose what I like about them is that they are pretty no-nonsense kind of spanking videos. They haven’t been clouded with unnecessary distractions... like a plot. Too much talking qualifies as a plot.

After all, we spankos when we voyeur our way into watching a spanking video imagine ourselves in the video and expecting us to get into a plot scenario is expecting a little too much from we the audience IMHO.

Now one of them is some poor lucky fellow with his jewels pinched in a humbler. Frankly, I’ve never had the pleasure, but he appears to be a little too horizontal for the humbler to be very comfortable.



Not that a humbler is supposed to be comfortable, in fact I’m somewhat certain the design specifications for a humbler most likely totally lack the word ‘comfort’.

In any event, our hero is actually experiencing a bit of discomfort to say the least and the protagonist is most definitely contributing to his discomfort with what appears to be a rather liberal application of the paddle.

Overall, not a bad little short that’s sure to provide a moment of contemplation to any F/M spanking aficionado.

Another one of the videos at the bottom of the blog page features one particular couple that apparently wants to set a spanking records of some sort.

The video is part of a set of videos. I think there’s one where he enjoys a quick easy twenty swats and perhaps another where he manages to get a nice helping of fifty.

Here in the subject of my review, the fellow succombs to 100 hard wacks with a paddle.



Now I’m all for sports and competition, I believe it builds character and strong bodies in at least 12 ways… sort of a Wonder Bread of American life. (If you never watched US television comercials from the 60’s don’t expect to understand that last coment).

If I were to be too critical, I might point out that there are probably heavier or more stingy paddles out there available for real record setting endeavors.

I might point out that I’ve received some harder swats from My Fine Lady.

I might point out that laying down on tummy and ‘not’ having ass propped high in the breeze makes it a bit easier.

I might point out that being bent over and touching toes would be far more painful.

But, I’m not going to actually point out any of those things because that appears to be one determined lady who wants to show off the rather impressive beating her man accepts under her paddle-happy hand and I don't really want to consider myself a challenger for their well deserved record.

Shit, I can take a mighty hard set of swings from a mighty heavy and thick paddle, but I kind of need at least a few minutes before the second “Thank you dear, may I have another” ass-whack.

You see it’s not that I really like breathing, but I’ve gotten rather used to it over the years.

More reviews and personal insights to follow in the coming days.

Spankos are Special

When you say something like "Spankos are Special" in some respects you're making a pretty broad statement.

Contrary to what those in the vanilla world may think there really are all sorts of spankos. In fact when you consider that poll I mentioned several dozen post ago about how as much as 41% of the adult population of the United States may engage in one form of spanking or another... well, that's a lot of people.

Oh sure, all sorts.

You have your light pre-intercourse or during intercourse spankos

You've got the "Hey, you've got a cute butt get those clothes off so I can see it" spankos

Then there are the "Spank me when I cum" spankos

Not to mention the "don't leave any marks" spankos

Then there are the "try and spank me like mom did" spankos

Of course then you turn it up a notch and you get to the more... "devoted" (yeah, I like that word) who think it's not a spanking if you can't feel it for several days crowd. I proudly consider myself a member of this latter group.

It goes without saying that the "devoted" spankos also encompasses many separate franchises or denominations and I would easily get carpal tunnel syndrome before I could adequately list even half of the variations.

Now just because I consider myself a member of the devoted crowd… Well like I’m sure many readers here, I happily partake in some of the lighter activities of the less devoted when the opportunity presents itself.

I happen to believe there is very large contingent of the “devoted spanko” crowd who participate in some form of Domestic Discipline. Just so the readers here can stay on top of things, well I’m part of that group too.

The thing of it is, being someone who wants to live a Domestic Discipline lifestyle; well I’ve been in conventional relationships too. Things are different now.

There were times when previously I might know that a certain thing would piss off X-wife and frankly I didn’t give a shit.



by Jay Em



Now, I know there are things that will piss off My Fine Lady and it drives me crazy. I don’t want her to be pissed at me, I don’t want her to be angry at all with me, and I want her to be proud of me.



Too many times I let my children run my life. More specificly, I let them dominate my thoughts. Now, the most painful thing for me is disappointing MyFine Lady, those times when she may think I’m not being the man that I should be.

It’s one of those times now and I really wish she would spank me and get it over with to not only relieve her anger and tension but also so that she can forgive me... I know this has been hell on her and I don’t know why she hasn’t…

Probably because she’s tired of dealing with the same shit over and over again and I certainly can’t say I blame her.

But that's the difference. It not only the fact that I don't want her to be pissed at me, but the fact that it's actually magnified. Those times when I know I've pissed her off, well... they hurt. Why?

Well, I've let her down, I haven't been the man that she knows I can be...
Not just the man that she knows I can be, but more directly I haven't been the man that she deserves.

Right now, I crave a long painful spanking from My Fine Lady.

Oh my, I crave the relief of a very long painful spanking.

At least I crave the genuine forgiveness that I can only have after her wrath plays out upon my vulnerable ass.

Spanking Our Way to World Peace

Spanking seems to depend on many visual clues, perhaps more so than any other interaction between a man and a woman with the exception of intercourse itself.

Many couples seem to use visual cues that may be used long before a hand or paddle actually touches buttocks.

Sometimes minutes ahead of time, sometimes hours and at other times days before the inevitable sting of implement on flesh the spanker will send a signal that sets the stage for the unavoidable, the inevitable spanking.

Some couples may use some sort of signal that will have meaning only between the spanker and spankee.
The signal may be something as simple as an implement left in view for the lucky recipient to see. Perhaps a hairbrush left on a pillow, perhaps a picture moved out of place or even something with more visual impact such as an outfit being worn that is only worn for spankings.

The symbolism that screams spanking can actually be very small little visual cues. The curling finger that stops us in our tracks and makes our hearts skip a beat or that same finger that points you into the position of presentation.

We spankos are a very visual lot, certain sights simply send the mind spinning with anticipation. Wdspoone recently blogged about all of the images that have been posted over and over again from blog to blog that illustrate clearly the appeal of our desire to imagine ourselves falling into the image.

So many of the images portray the same thing over and over again. If I simply say the photo of the woman who is preceding the spankee up a flight of stairs or leading her man by ear with an implement in hand you all imagine probably one of the same photos that I do.

Many of us have seen that actual same visual cue playing out in real life or more specifically on our own butts. It tells an entire story that plays out in our minds and we all clearly envision everything that particular view screams is about to happen.

We can look at the same image dozens of times. One time we may imagine ourselves being taken to the bedroom and bent over the foot of a bed, or, more likely we see ourselves brought over her knee for what is surely to be a life altering and most certainly painful spanking.

We imagine the entire event being played out and of course dream of the aftercare that signals the spanking is over and all is forgiven.

There are other reoccurring images that flash through my brain as I think about it. They all have the same outcome… Some lucky fellow is going to end up with a very sore ass. We see it and it has both a frightening but also has an incredibly powerful appeal as we wish ourselves living the event.

Another reoccurring theme to F/M Spanking photos and artwork is the hapless fellow standing in front of his disciplinarian either naked or with his pants being pulled to his ankles. Naturally, his joystick is waving in the breeze in anticipation of attention. W

ell, we all know how the story plays out… The fine lady of course makes some sort of remark that says the little fellow won’t be needed right now and that her man will be getting her undivided attention but it won’t be to the benefit or pleasure of Mr. Happy.

Imagine that, a universal language that crosses every geographic or political border; not to mention the ions of time. These photos and artwork may be of women who don't speak a lick of English... Do any of you have difficulty understanding the meaning suggested in these examples?

It’s unique that these things, these visual cues are not only international but also timeless in the nature of their understandable meaning.

This spanking language, this universal encoded yet totally understandable communication by visual cues could be the one thing that all mankind shares. The possibilities are endless.

World Peace through Spanking!

Pain Isn't Always From The Paddle

Tina at Die starke Frau mentioned in a recent post that from her perspective, she didn't care for the concept of cuckolding. Well to each their own and I posted a comment how I didn't see it as really useful from a DD perspective. Basically, I believe once the spanking is over, the humiliation should be over and that may be mutually exclusive when there is a cuckold husband. She made a comment that she may blog about humiliation and I look forward to reading her perspctive on it.

Here's mine, it starts with the text I left on her blog.

The unique form of DD that we practice (Mutual DD) like all forms of DD, does have an element of humiliation. For example, the whole concept of willingly submitting to a spanking is a humbling act, ergo humiliation.


However, for me the most important part of DD is the aftercare. Where the spanking and any and all of the other things that may have been used that add humiliation, break down walls and barriers and offer the spanker the opportunity to bring things to the surface that must be dealt with. Or, even when the spanking just lets things be talked about, all accomplished not just with the aid of the painful spanking, but also with humiliation.

Once the spanking is over one of the most important jobs of the spanker from my perspective is to rebuild the spankee’s ego, their cared-for position in the relationship and also rejuvenate their persona that the rest of the world sees. The tenderness of aftercare, the forgiveness, the cleaning of the slate so to speak are all items that bring back and reconstruct the spankee.

Without a doubt, the most intense pain that can be administered isn’t from the paddle, nor the strap or the cane. The most intense pain that can be administered to the submissive husband in a DD relationship is certainly humiliation.

Actually, humiliation is possibly the most frequently used tool while a true punishment is administered.

The mere suggestion that he has been something less than the man that he could and should be, can be extremely powerful.

What are some other humiliations? Well, the implement and the position are the most obvious possibilities. However, each disciplinarian learns not just what provides sting to the buttocks but also those things that can sting the brain. After all, it's actually the brain that is spanked, the butt is merely a very effective conduit to the brain.

Some aspects of a spanking are more humiliating than others. Being put in the diaper position or even like I recently posted... being given an enema are just a few of the most obvious aspects of humiliation that can be incorporated in typical DD punishment activities.

Being ordered into the corner can make the tallest man feel small.

Ordered to wear humiliating clothing, which can vary of course from couple to couple. Perhaps for one couple it may be panties on the man. For others, it may be a complete outfit or even just diapers.

Actually, simply being ordered to “Drop ‘em” at her command and the accompanying embarrassment of her seeing Mr. Happy at full staff when he won’t be used for his joyous intended purpose.

Complying with her order and laying across her lap with one’s ass presented for her use can be very humbling at the very least, and for some be the height of humiliation.

Various positions that offer nothing in protection and everything in vulnerability for her use, all of these things help her break down the walls that men typically build to protect their weaker sides from being viewed by the rest of the world.

I’m of the opinion that the most effective female disciplinarians use these and other techniques to knock a man down a notch and perhaps put him in his place. Now the more femdom-ish ladies may use these or other techniques of humiliations to keep her man in a lower and completely dominated place.

However in many households once a man is reduced with these techniques, the woman instead of destroying his foundation actually just knocks down the crooked walls that stood contrary to her needs. The ones that did not suit her desires in her man. Then, with aftercare she sets new lines and then rebuilds him back the man she wants and knows he can be. Giving him forgiveness and setting him and the relationship back to base course.

Basically, as I see it, humiliation stops when the spanking stops. If it doesn't, perhaps the spanking shouldn't have ended so soon.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom..."

This is a re-post of a spanking I blogged about on my other blog a quite while ago:

Being the typical non-typical DD couple things can get interesting around here sometimes. Of course we have the same problem that a lot of couples have, an almost perpetual lack of privacy. We might have changed that slightly, time will tell…

Today was the first day of a new schedule where I think I’ve managed to get things coordinated so that we actually have at least an hour and perhaps as much as two hours or privacy per day.

Well, we did have some privacy over the weekend and it did give me the chance to give My Fine Lady a pretty good spanking. She has needed a spanking for a while. Not so much for anything other than stress relief and just to reinforcing discipline a bit, she has been very good.

My Fine Lady also had the chance to try to spank me, but that didn’t go too well being the wimp that I am. I chickened out part way into it and got away from her which of course pissed her off a bit. It’s not easy for her to spank me; it’s just not her thing. My Fine Lady is much more comfortable being the spankee but she does try to cater to my cravings on occasion and if the need should happen to arrive, she has no problem at all giving me a punishment spanking. However, when I need a stress relief spanking, it’s not at all easy for her. There’s that role reversal thing, but also I’m much harder to hold in position when I start squirming and kicking as happened over the weekend.

Well, today our private time came to fruition and I had every intention to rebuild her leather butt. Since it’s been a while since she’s had regular spankings the spanking she got over the weekend was difficult for her re-virigned bottom. Being the caring HOH that I am, I planned on putting some regularity back into her spankings so it would be easier for her to take a good long spanking. You spankos out there know what I mean, if it’s been a while, it takes a while before you build up ‘leather butt’ tolerance again. Well, that was not to be.

I walked into the house and asked her if she was ready to get her leather butt rebuilt… however she said, “No, it’s your turn”.

Well, I hadn’t been too cooperative when she tried to spank me over the weekend so I suppose I knew it was coming so of course I complied. She told me to go pick out some implements…. Don’t you hate that?

3/4" Oak Hairbrush Paddle

I opened the toy drawer and looked, I knew that I would not be able to get away with a wimpy selection so I didn't try. I picked out the wicked hairbrush paddle, the sawed off bamboo bath brush, the Reb's OTK paddle with holes and the The London Tanners Domestic Discipline Strap. She approved, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice but to pick the ones that I hate since I hadn’t been cooperative for the last spanking.

My Fine Lady gave the quick simple order… “Drop ‘em”. I did.

London Tanner DD Strap

There’s something that’s both intimidating and exciting about standing there with your pants at your ankle while your lady is picking up a paddle.

Naturally, Mr. Happy was doing his best to embarrass me standing at full attention which of course Minx made some comments along the lines of ‘looks like he wants a spanking too’ and made some light contact.

When I first climbed over her knee, Mr. Happy was making things a little uncomfortable before he was properly positioned, she started with her bare hand... which felt, very comfortable and relaxing. Of course her bare hand didn’t last long enough, the sting had been light and actually somewhat comforting. Mr, Happy didn't stay around to find out though.

Reb's 14" OTK Paddle

When I’m on the receiving end once the spanking starts I usually can’t tell what I’m being spanked with unless she tells me. She did a very good job of keeping me just slightly beyond the edge of what I can tolerate. You know, any lighter and you can take it, but just hard enough to keep you from ignoring it while you squirm and stress and have to work at staying in place.

Then of course it had to happen, time to pay for not cooperating for the last spanking. Those hard heavy spanks that make you dig your fingernails into your palms and stress to stay in place.

I believe that the next round was from the Rebs OTK paddle and she kept me right on the edge with it. Then a few rounds with the DD strap and and paddles again. It was really getting hard to stay in place but I didn't want any more hard heavy full swing ones.

In between rounds of implements My Fine Lady rubs and comforts for a few seconds (always too few) which of course is wonderful. Then after a particularly hard to take round with what I think was the Bamboo Bath Brush she was rubbing my bottom and next I felt her spread my cheeks. I felt something slide into my ass and I realized what she was doing, she was giving me a Fleet enema.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

Bamboo Bath Brush

She said it with a little bit of a happy accomplished tone. That wasn’t the end of it of course, but it was the end of the unbearable pain from that point on as I had another thing to keep my mind occupied. The combination of the spanking that so far I had endured along with that bit of anal stimulation and caress just made the sting disapear and all of me was enjoying the continued contact, even the intense contact from the brush.

She continued to spank and she spanked hard but from that point on ,I just wanted more. She asked me a couple of times if I had to go yet, I could have but I didn't want to, I wanted to feel more and put off going to expell as long as I could. The combination of holding as long as I possibly could combined with the spanking apparently managed to get the fluid 'higher' as the enema seemed to be even more effective than those little ass bombs tend to be.

The seat really wasn't much more uncomfortable than usual, until I tried to stand up. Freshly spanked bottoms apparenlty act like fly paper to the seat.

Odd isn't it.

Now, I’m probably more relaxed than I’ve been in a while, maybe tomorrow will be her turn.

Good Question v 2.0

Hisboss asked what I consider another great question on the Fetlife F/M Spanking group page, here it is:

I have another question. How many guys try to "control" the spanking? Not sure how to say it...Like, saying that's not hard enough or you have a "candy arm" etc...I guess I am trying to say "top from the bottom"? It happened a few times in my experience with the hubby but I figured it out pretty fast. Now I don't let him have the opportunity to top at all, I "ambush" him so there is no time to think about it. I'd be interested in your viewpoints on this one.

My response:

I suppose to a certain extent when an activity is initiated by someone being submissive who wants to be dominated, that can be considered topping from the bottom.

However...

Once the activity begins what I think happens with most F/M couples the sub/bottom/male wants to have control taken away... Unconditionally.

I for example want complete control taken by my fine lady as far as her spanking me, it's all up to her and I don't remember which one of us started the ball rolling in this direction, but it can not be stopped.

• She chooses if and when I'm spanked... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses how and where I'm going to be spanked... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses what I'm spanked with... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses how long the spanking will last... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses if I'll still feel the spanking all day or all week... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses if it will be one spanking or multiple spankings... I have no say in the matter.
• She chooses what the rules are and what earns a spanking... I have no say in the matter.

The thing is we are beyond safe words, there are none. If I have a health issue, perhaps I start to have trouble breathing or a bed rail is digging in my side I can stop the spanking just long enough for the issue to be resolved. I can't stop, reschedule or worse refuse a spanking. Any attempt at any of these things will earn me either extra or extra severe.

I suppose the big difference with many DDish or FLR relationships compared to other more typical activities that may be "run of the mill BDSMish" activities is that after the initial get the learning curve out of the way... we want consent to go out the window.

The well known mantra of the BDSM community is Safe, Sane and Consensual. Perhaps what’s different with those of who get involved in DDish things however is that many of us appear to want what is better called consensual non-consent.

So, it's not your typical 'scene' and not your typical lifestyle.

Yeah, it becomes a 24/7 thing in a lot of respects and also in some respects it can become less active the further one gets into the activity.

There becomes a point where one knows without a doubt that certain things will guarantee a sore bottom.

There becomes a point where one knows without a doubt that certain things will guarantee a very, very sore bottom.

There becomes a point where one knows that the consequence becomes so effective that one learns to behave better.

There becomes a point where one will brat to get consequences as a matter of getting attention because they may feel there hasn't been enough attention or maybe more precisely, care. Usually, that translates into random bratting, displays of temper or just bad attitude. That could happen if there hasn't been maintenance, or just not the right amount of it.

That last one is the big one. Because once the DD lifestyle is in full swing, it can come full circle and that might be a sign that the bottom is attempting to do what they did in the first place... They may be looking for the reset button.

Not that the bottom is challenging the Top's authority but challenging them to do what they did at the beginning and again take control. That's often considered a form of Topping from the bottom, and it's not what we really want to do.

When this happens the Top must use communication to make sure that trust is still there, questioning the bottom to make sure this is still what they really want. Confirming expectation, finding out if the bottom was expecting more or even less and once that connection is truly confirmed perhaps incorporate and adjust a new or renewed maintenance routine, reviewing it with regularity.

An Inconvenient Truth - Global Ass Warming

There seems to be something of a common thread that ties those who practice a form of Domestic Discipline together, and it doesn’t seem to matter if that DD relationship is M/F, F/M, F/F or MM.


There will inevitably be times when we are given perhaps a very painful spanking that was not deserved.

Part of the mindset that we accept when we freely give authority to another to hold us accountable for our actions is the acceptance that not only will there be times when we may be spanked unfairly, it may actually happen with a degree of regularity. Sure, after the fact discussion to prevent errors in the future is fine and dandy but the decision that a spanking will happen IMHO should be respected and accepted.

I seem to recall that Scully touched on this subject in the past, in fact I may also have too now that I think about it.

Frankly, if My Fine Lady in a moment of anger or frustration decides that I’m going to be getting a long painful spanking, then later realizes that she made that decision in error there is only one thing that I expect will happen. I WILL get a long painful spanking.

Being a spanker is a tremendous responsibility and there will be errors made, I for one choose to give her the latitude to not be concerned about making errors like that. I would rather have a swollen sore throbing ass than have her put off or ignore spanking me when she believes it's deserved and she knows that.

Now for those of you dear readers who don't like the whole concept of accepting a spanking that is not deserved... Well, you're probably thinking ah gosh darn heck fella... You're a spanko, of course you want to be spanked when you don't deserve it just like you want to be spanked when you DO deserve it.

Well, there might be a level of truth there, but the actual fact is submitting to a punishment spanking for someone like me is an act of love and certainly not one I enjoy especially while it happens. My Fine Lady has gotten to very good at providing VERY painful spankings that do deserve to be feared.

Punishment spankings hurt, a LOT and offer absolutely no pleasure except the forgiveness they bring after being adminsitered.

That's the inconvenient truth.

Not to mention that My Fine Lady being willing to hold me accountable and spank my ass raw with an effective punishment is an incredible act of love and caring. One that she doesn't actually enjoy, but she does it because she loves me. It's not a role she chose except to provide for a void in my life. She knows it's what I want her to do, she knows it's what I need her to do whenever she decides it must be done.

His Boss

In two previous posts I mentioned a woman (Hisboss) who posted a question on the Fetlife F/M Spanking group. Up until the time that her husband made her aware of his secret desire, she was in her own words "very vanilla". 

Ultimately, she agreed to spank her husband over a dozen years ago, and has been doing so since apparenlty with wonderful results. It's clear that she gets it, he does too, perhaps more often than he likes. I might add as in her own words below: "...he got more than he bargained for".

Well, we've exchanged some messages and she has given me permission to tell some more details about what they've experienced.

I think you'll enjoy her story as she related it to me. I've parsed the paragraphs so they'll be easier to read on the blog page format and I've melted in some of her other comments from Fetlife:

I've been a spanker for 13 years now - started back in 1997 when the hubby approached me and asked me for a disciplinary lifestyle where I handed out the discipline and he received it!

He got a lot more than he bargained for...took me a couple of months to get the technique down but I learned fast and found out quickly the benefits of being able to call the shots!

We had already been married 16 years at the time he put the DWC website on the computer. Like I said, I was vanilla to the point of being naïve about all this, and I confess my first reaction was to laugh. I really thought he was joking.

I had NO idea he even had thoughts like this. He never hinted, acted in any way like he wanted to be spanked or controlled, even while playing around sexually. As you can imagine I felt terrible for laughing and brushing it off and decided, “Hey, I love this man. I would at the very least look into it.” So I explored the web….


HOLY cow, the things I saw and read! Nothing that resembled the man I was married to at all.

Funny though, I realized quickly the bottom line in it all – it’s simply a spanking, a red bottom with a little control over his life. I read that, “spanking helped relieve stress”, “would add sexual excitement and enhance a relationship, and be a way to become closer to the one you love.” So what’s wrong with that?


I sat him down and he confessed EVERYTHING…all his thoughts, fears, fantasies sexually and otherwise…

I listened and for a few weeks after that I kept asking him questions while still surfing the web for answers. I found out more about this guy than I ever knew the first 16 years of marriage (and we had a GREAT marriage up to that point as it was). I learned about the “inner” him, the scared little boy who wanted someone to hold his hand once in a while, and to swat his bum when he got out of line.

Then one day I said, “OK, let’s do it…I will give you a spanking.”


We went in the bedroom, pulled his pants and underpants down, and he went over my lap. Now that was a trip for the first time for him and me… remember we were married 16 years and I was taking MY husband over MY lap to spank him! He was so embarrassed and I was scared to death. It was far from memorable and I am sure he was disappointed but I did it!


Afterward we said nothing about it. I guess he figured that was it, nice try thanks for the memory.

I on the other hand decided to write an e-mail to the lady who started the DWC website where it all started … she wrote back and said we needed to talk on the phone. We ended up having several phone conversations and we are friends to this day. She advised me on several nuances of the lifestyle and some tips and tricks…so I decided to “try” it again.


Two weeks after the “first spanking” I came home from work, told him to go to the computer room pants and undies down, and bend over the desk. I had a paddle that he had made “just for me” when he saw I was at least a little interested.

I told him to take a deep breath and I swatted his bum as hard as I could for as long as I thought he could take it.

He was raw afterward and did not say a word during the paddling…he stood up with tears in his eyes but he didn’t cry openly. He walked over hugged me and said, “I Love You” and I knew from that moment on this was going to be our new life.


Been a lot of hurdles since then but overall it has brought us closer than any couple we know – in fact most say we make them sick we are so clingy…lol.


I also discovered after really becoming adept at spanking and control that I could get things I wanted out of the relationship – not just sexually or fulfilling his fantasy life but real changes in the way things were run in the family.

He was overweight, took blood pressure meds, so I started him on an exercise routine with consequences….he lost a ton of weight, brought the blood pressure down, and the doctor took him off the meds.


Now he goes for check-ups to the doc regularly because I make the appointments and tell him when he has one scheduled. He rarely went to the doctor before this arrangement. So, even though it is a sexual turn on, the side benefits of a sore behind are immeasurable!

The power and control are also a HUGE turn on for me. I must have had this in me before because I took to the control thing like a duck to water!

Well for us it has been a very rare occasion where he's gotten to tears...maybe 2 or 3 times in all these years. And what got him there was what you said, curiously - he had done something really wrong, and the combination of the scolding, the spanking, and the fact that he had really let me down was what put him over the edge.


This is an example of where your mindset is almost more important than the pain being applied!


I hope you get to experience that sometime, because the aftereffect (once those endorphins kick in) is really intense, and a great power rush for me as the one who caused it to happen.


I checked out your blog “Her Paddle” this morning, and enjoyed it immensely. I am so flattered you took my question on Fetlife and chose to post it on your blog. Since you asked the question about, “would you do it differently today?” I thought you might like to know the “rest of our story”.


Every Monday morning before work I give him “12 of the best” with a cane just to start the week off right for both of us. I look forward to that and I think he would be disappointed now if I stopped. It has become a lifestyle, not something we think about or talk about, it’s just our way of life.


There are rules and there are consequences, there are paddles hanging indiscreetly on a couple walls, hairbrushes on the counters in the bathrooms. As far as I’m concerned there is nothing to hide and what’s our business is none of anyone else’s, and so far no one that visits has ever asked about any of that.


I tried to find other couples like ourselves but I think this is a very personal/individual lifestyle. Every guy/gal has something they specifically are into and some couples would be uncomfortable with some aspects of our life. On the other hand they might be way over the top from how we live as well.

But with the web we have Fetlife, Spankolife and other sites, and have chatted with many people over the years…it’s wonderful just to have a feeling of camaraderie. This isn’t something you tell your sister or your next-door neighbor after all! In the end, it's just a sore bottom.


Ran a little long, never told that whole story before…not sure I should have told it now but it felt right!

To be honest with you it was your blog that promted me to write it down. I have been meaning to for years now. I showed it to the hubby before I hit send to you and he got all misty...I think he forgot how it all started.

Thanks for making me a part of your blog! And to answer the question on your blog, “would you do it any differently today” my answer would be a resounding, no!


His Boss

Well Hisboss, you are a wonderful woman to follow through for the man that you love, I believe your husband is a VERY lucky man.

Only in 'Frisco

Being a Phillies fan I'm sorry to say that the San Francisco Giants are now the 2010 World Champions of Baseball, but they've earned it.

Before the final game of the NLCS Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel during an interview mentioned that the Giants looked as hungry to win as the Phillies did in 2008. Frankly, I didn't know if it was a compliment for the Giant opponents, or a dig at his own Phillies.

Often sport stars become superstitious and there apparently a unique one with the Giants. Aubrey Huff's teammates apparently have become aware of the fact that he wears a red "rally thong".

Well now, rumor has it that he may very well be "coming out" as it were, showing off his rally thong to the public during the Giant's Victory Parade in San Francisco tomorrow. Frankly, I'm not surprised and I don't know if that's a good thing or not... but I'm just not surprised.

Well, now most people just may very well wonder how he became attached to a "rally Thong", and I'm one of them.

Back at home in Florida, did the wife tell him he had to wear the red thong until they won the World Series or he would get a good dose of the paddle?

Inquiring minds want to know!

 
 

Love Story

In the previous post I mentioned a post on Fetlife by a woman who spanks her husband and has been doing so for quite some time. Now to me the life she describes is a true love story. No, not the running in slow motion through tall grass and jumping in each others embrace. But the sort of love story that many of us spankos can understand.

Imagine if you can, a young (or old) couple and one of them, for argument sake... lets say the man is living with a secret.

The secret (as if you didn’t know) is that he wants to be disciplined by his loving wife. However, of course for the sake of our little love story here, he doesn’t know how to tell her.

Now having been in a very vanilla marriage for 20 years, I have absolutely no difficulty understanding his frustrations.

Certainly, it can be very difficult to express any sort of kinky desire to a partner who hasn’t given any clue showing willingness to partake in the kinky. In my particular case my now x-wife who at first expressed interest in things that might liven up our play, later expressed nothing less than disgust at any aspects of kink. Naturally, although fruitful it was a very depressing existence.

In the case of our heroes mentioned in the previous post, he managed to bring up some information on the internet, in their case apparently it was the DWC website at which point he nervously walked away and left her to digest the information. I imagine he was at the very least frightened to death, not knowing how she would react to finding out that he wanted her to paddle his ass raw.

Those moments waiting to discover acceptance, rejection or disgust must have been almost heart stopping. Ultimately, her acceptance and agreement to follow through and accept the responsibility for the discipline of the man that she loves had to have been a wonderful transition for both of them.

In my particular case my fine lady and I already knew each other to be interested in kink in general and spanking in particular when we met. So, we didn’t have that particular hurdle to cross, although of course there have been others. The good news is every time we encounter a hurdle when we overcome it I simply love her that much more.

Thought food:

If you had to cross that hurdle of a partner who doesn’t know today how would you do it. If you’ve already passed that hurdle, would you do it differently today?