06 July, 2010

So Just The Other Day...

Just the other day I, like most responsible American men spent a little time trying to decide how to properly celebrate the 4th of July. Naturally, (for a fleeting moment) I considered celebrating the 4th with a fifth. While the adventure played out in my mind, I realized that when my lady the next morning found my pickled body laying in a puddle of my own bodily fluids on the family room floor, she might get upset.

"Belay that, what else can and should I do today?"

Fast forward a few hours and just lets say I was momentarily questioning the value of central air conditioning.

The dilemma:

Here in the Mid-Atlantic we were falling into this particular year’s first real monster heat wave. Temperatures were climbing into the high nineties while the AC provided some relief.

Unfortunately at this particular moment, my pants were around my ankles and I was positioned on top of the bed, set upon knees and elbows with my bottom pointing skyward and getting far too cold (read sensitive) while I awaited at the pleasure of my fine lady. Naturally, she happened to be holding a rather heavy and menacing wooden paddle at the time.

Of course there is a story as to how this predicament befell me. While earlier in the day I innocently headed into the bathroom, my lady was exiting having just cleaned the aforementioned room of convenience. My mind was elsewhere as I continued to plan my day, enumerating my manly goals:
  • Drink beer. 
  • Watch the Phillies.
  • Drink beer
  • Take a piss.
  • Drink beer.
  • Fart as needed.
  • Take a piss.
  • Watch more baseball.
  • Drink beer. 
  • Repeat above as needed and as able. 
Well, as we passed in the hall, she made mention of how much work she had been doing cleaning around the house. Then, finished with a comment that went something like: “You’re going to clean that damn table or you can expect a good paddling. “

Now we all know the correct thing to say at that point would have been something quick and simple like…oh I dunno... “Yes dear.”

Did I say “Yes dear?”


I laughed.

Why the hell did I laugh?

The rest is history, yet this day she is still walking around with 'that look' that tells me she may consider that there is much more work to be done... and I don't mean cleaning.

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